Simisage Report

Simisage (the Thorn Monkey Pokémon) is an exceptionally rare Grass-type Pokémon found among forests and grasslands throughout the Unova region as well as parts of the Kalos region and Africa. Though not as strong as other fully-evolved Grass-types, Simisage are powerful fighters capable of giving most unarmored or lightly-armored opponents a painful thrashing courtesy of their thorny tails. They might not appear very brutal at first glance, but you would be wise not to give these apes the benefit of the doubt; if even a single thing goes wrong during the day, they won't think twice about turning even their trainers into pincushions!

Much as with Pansage, Simisage (who only evolve from Pansage when exposed to the radiant energy of a Leaf Stone) are bonded to a rather benign parasitic plant that has little effect on their overall anatomy outside of the plant-based powers and abilities it grants. Although the parasitic plant is technically a mutant variety of Mentha, the genus associated with mint plants, its leaves are exceptionally potent and can whisk away weariness with a single leaf in the case of Pansage. Unfortunately, the leaves on Simisage are actually too potent to be effective and have the effect of causing temporary numbness across the body if swallowed; thankfully, their extreme bitterness is usually more than enough to keep most people from touching them. While Simisage are just as limited in terms of Grass-type attacks as their pre-evolved form, their damage potential is exceptionally greater because of a radical mutation brought on in their tails. For reasons still unclear, the mutation causes the Mentha plant on their tails to change form and become similar to that of a spear thistle plant, lining the inside and outside of their tails with tiny, sharp barbs. These barbs can regenerate almost instantly after being broken off, allowing Simisage to use their tails repeatedly as potent bludgeoning devices; it is noted, however, that while their tails are capable of easily piercing flesh and cracking weak armor, they can do very little against thick armor aside from causing the occasional scratch.

In sharp contrast to their pre-evolved form, Simisage are not friendly at all and in fact are the most volatile member of the "elemental-monkey" trio. Simisage are prone to random outbursts of pure anger and have been known to lash out at people and Pokémon alike for no reason at all, even if they were extremely happy the moment before. This aberrant behavior is the result of the parasitic plant's roots growing too deeply within the flesh of Simisage as a result of radical growth brought on by sudden evolution. This has the effect of irritating nerves close to their brains and causing these animals' adrenal glands to sporadically discharge adrenaline into their bloodstream, sending them into violent tantrums that may last as little as a few seconds before returning to normal. While this abnormal temperament can be relatively overcome with extensive training, it is still impossible to fully control and should be taken note of and prepared for if a trainer wishes to use one of these vicious apes in battle.

While they certainly might seem too cute to be much of a threat, Simisage are violent beasts that take great pleasure in destroying whatever they wish whenever they feel like it. Finding a Leaf Stone is certainly not an easy task, but if you really want to take on the challenge of training one of these volatile apes, you will have to take the time to search for one. Of course, if you prefer to keep the chances of personal injury or injury to others as low as possible, you should probably look for a safer alternative; the only good thing about these monkeys going nuts and attacking someone is that they will probably be deemed not competent to stand trial!

Professor Wormwood